INSTANT REVIEW: C# (sharrrp)
 So that VB programmers can feel like real programmers
 
INSTANT REVIEW: Lisp A language which mysteriously makes everyone who
learns it sit around on IRC complaining about how every other language is worse than
Lisp.

INSTANT REVIEW: Pascal
What good is it to design a language for learning and not for using?

INSTANT REVIEW: Objective-C Smalltalk and C are great! Let's program in both
of them at the same time

INSTANT REVIEW: Python A guy holding a gun to my head could make me write
readable code too, but I wouldn't like that either.

INSTANT REVIEW: C You can complain all you want, it's not going anywhere
anytime soon.

INSTANT REVIEW: C++You can complain all you want, it's not going anywhere
anytime soon++.

INSTANT REVIEW: Java Mediocre language for mediocre minds

INSTANT REVIEW: Perl After using it for eight years, I am still not halfway
through learning it.

INSTANT REVIEW: Ruby A programming language developed in Japan which is known 
by ten Japanese people and ten thousand geeky American otaku who learned it 
solely because it is a programming language developed in Japan.

INSTANT REVIEW:  HTML It's not a language, doofus.

INSTANT REVIEW: Modula-2
THIS IS JUST LIKE PASCAL, EXCEPT YOU HAVE TO SHOUT.

INSTANT REVIEW: Standard ML

People who majored in CS because they're too dumb for maths love this language

INSTANT REVIEW: Visual Basic for Applications, Localized
I used this once, and I've been trying to forget it ever since.

INSTANT REVIEW: SQL
SQL is the COBOL of the nineties.

INSTANT REVIEW: PHP
Consistency? That's the hobgoblin of small minds. php.net/manual/ needs more traffic 
anyway.

INSTANT REVIEW: mIRC SCRIPTING
Created to make the front end of some random IRC client have a bit more functionality, so 
then people went and made text editors, mp3 players, image viewers and web browsers and 
call themselves "coders".

INSTANT REVIEW: BBCode
As dumb as the people who implement it and also not a language

INSTANT REVIEW: Prolog
slow(prolog).
esoteric(prolog).
mostly_useless(X) :- esoteric(X), slow(X).
?- _

INSTANT REVIEW: Shell
echo "You must be looking for this: `find /usr/ -name perl 2> /dev/null | grep 
"/usr/.*bin/perl" | sed -e "2~1d"`"

INSTANT REVIEW: Lua
Only game programmers use it.

INSTANT REVIEW: Forth
IS RPN SUPERIOR;

INSTANT REVIEW: perl
Simultaneously the best and worst write-only programming language.

INSTANT REVIEW: Javascript
I turned it off.

INSTANT REVIEW: FORTRAN
Your parents dabbled with it in college so they say "know how computers work, stop 
talking down to me!"

INSTANT REVIEW: Python
My code actually looks pretty now! But I can't remember what it does anymore.

INSTANT REVIEW: TECO
[1 J^P$L$$
J <.-Z; .,(S,$ -D .)FX1 @F^B $K :L I $ G1 L>$$

INSTANT REVIEW: Whitespace

INSTANT REVIEW: OCaml
(you (can (look (make it)(like lisp)) too));;

INSTANT REVIEW: Ruby
Things are automatically better if they're Japanese.

INSTANT REVIEW: Clean
When will... the hurting... stop

INSTAN REVIEW : PHP
<? for( ; ; ) ?> <?= "THis is PhP" ?>

INSTANT REVIEW: VB
GWBASIC without line numbers

INSTANT REVIEW: Assembly Language
Kill yourself in 1001 easy steps.

INSTANT REVIEW: Ruby
The bastard child of Smalltalk and Perl.